Thursday, 17 November 2011


Before anyone jumps to any conclusions about Sepp Blatter I think there are a few items on his long and varied CV that may help inform opinion:
  1. Blatter was elected President of the World Society of Friends of Suspenders in the 1970's - an organisation that campaigned against ladies wearing tights. Obviously this was a humanitarian endeavour aimed at alleviating gusset-hotness in the fairer sex and absolutely NOT pervy in any way. 
  2. First involvement in football was with a Swiss club called Zurich Brown Shirts in 1973. The team name clearly shows Blatter was sensitive to environmental issues many years ahead of the rest of the world; the Brown Shirts referring to them choosing a colour that would require less laundering and therefore less use of energy. Despite holding large rallies the club failed to gain full professional status. Any similarity to any other group of Brown Shirts fond of large rallies is purely coincidental. 
  3. Blatter has long been a philanthropist, giving large sums of money to worthy causes in less developed parts of the world. However his innate modesty forbids him from drawing attention to this generosity and he diligently avoids publicity. It is believed that shortly prior to him being voted to the FIFA Presidency he donated large sums of his own money to deserving causes in Afirca & particularly Somalia. Despite his best efforts in keeping this a secret, news must have leaked out, causing a number of African Football Associations to cast their vote in his favour. A coincidence. Obviously. 
  4. Blatter is a great supporter of diversity in football. He takes an especial interest in promoting Womens' Football and extends his humanitarian interests into alleviating the lot of the lady footballer. In 2004, mindful of his previous work in preventing gusset-hotness, Blatter extended his interest into eradicating cleavage-heat-discomfort by suggesting that lady footballers may benefit from lower-cut shirts than their male counterparts. He also suggested tighter shorts, presumably as a result of many years of research into the workings of a lady's lower-parts (in a scientific & medical sense, obviously. Sepp Blatter is NOT a dirty old man). 
  5. Just this last month Mr Blatter felt so strongly about the misery caused by heroin addiction across the world that he sought to strike a blow against the source of this drug by removing the symbol of this vile trade from world football - the poppy. However, when it was pointed out to him that in the UK poppies are used to commemorate war dead he relented and looked for some other noble cause to which he could devote his unbounded philanthropic energies. 
  6. He is currently examining whether world hunger and global warming can be solved by a firm handshake, like racism. 
So clearly Mr Blatter is a man of rock-solid morals and self-effacing modesty, a man who feels the pain of his fellow creature and seeks wherever possible to alleviate their suffering. 

As this is ostensibly a music blog I feel I ought to include a music video. I couldn't find any records written in praise of the great man, musicians seem to plump for self-serving bigheads like that Mandela chap rather than saints like Mr Blatter, which is a shame. So I just chose some poetry instead. I searched YouTube for poetry and chose this at random. It has got nothing to do with Mr Blatter but I hope you enjoy it anyway.

1 comment:

  1. The mere mention of his name makes me want to take a piss. I know it's strange, but god made me, so it can't be wrong.